Move on....

As usual some thoughts get no words.....just between u and me...and one of those thoughts find a mention..

What do you do when some one you once held dear wants to break free, pretends to be there but in their heart of hearts they want to run away, break free, and the only thing which stops them is well....ummm....the stickiness. (hell yeah, i studied marketing a lot today).

There are relationships and there are friendships and there are buddyships....and once or more than that we do grow over some. What we found was so dear, now becomes a liability, a process that should happen just because it always used to happen....This is probably when one needs to take a conscious call, whether to continue the pretence or let the things R.I.P.

Is it not better to be over things in the most civilized of manners and then be on good terms than to crib about it every now and then. Every one moves on in life, no one is ever stranded alone but then when you move on what do you do of those who you leave behind...

Just what I expect is be clear and be vocal, I can take that any day. What bugs me the most is the pretence, the 'saccharine sweetness' and the lies...also the bitching ofc !!

For all those who ever move on, please ensure that you have disposed of your past with grace, have the courage of accepting your walk, have the courage to admit it that you no longer are what you used to be...

Wants a time turner to herselves....

Well, as always I turn to writing or rather typing my thoughts down when I am the most confused in my life. Confused I am, but to some extent I think that I am taking the situation to be at a bigger level than it actually is. Probably I am making excuses not to study and I also realize that this wasting time is not gonna help me in any ways. More so, if anything it will harm me and make me rue about it later, but then its probably okay to sort out things when its still time.

So to the two most aspects of my life, professional and personal.

On the professional front, the two long years of MBA have almost come to the second last station, where the last academic exams are just around the corner and  even bigger hurdle that is the placements are yet even closer. For exams it is probably okay as they have been there for almost last 20 years of my life but then these placements, they are supposed to be the catapult I have spent 8 Lakhs of my Dad's hard earned money for. These placements, I wouldn't say I am expecting the best profile on campus but then again, I am hoping for one of the good ones. As some one once rightly said, u do just the needful, to excel u need to take that extra measure to be more than good.Lets hope that the next one month sees me in better light, I make full utilisation of my time and make the best preparation for for the placements and eventually make my parents and grand parents proud.

On personal front this year has been the worst in my life. Just lost someone who was my undying support in life, more about it later though. Friends in IIFT haven't been good either. Had the most number of fights with them. Disagreed on most parts and felt bad on a lot of them. Seems like the ending curse remains here also. Where in IET the last few days we spent being angry at each other and cudn't enjoy like we should have done, it looks like this is going to be the case in IIFT too. Already Family members have their allegiance divided on to other certain groups or clubs...sometimes it feels like we are together just for the sake of it . We don't hang out together. We don't spend time yapping with each other. We don't even have our regular dinner or lunches together. AND the biggest of all we disagree on most things. Someone would say that friends agree to disagree, but the things take an ugly turn sometimes, which is not so nice. On the room front again, things get weirder where despite everything, u feel like living with urselves every day. Somehow, that comfort of sharing things, laughing at them has gone away. Probably so many changes have taken place. Or as someone told me a few weeks ago, that I have changed for no good. I have lost my sympathetic humane side and probably gearing myselves for a more professional and ruthless life. God knows whats the case but then I am not liking it .

Hence I want the time turner to myselves and want to change a few ways in which life has changed.

Long time...no write..!!

This one was long due...cudnt materialize due to the server issues in IIFT. Well, Life does move on a bit, a lot happening here and now. Today seems to be a good day, getting two good news in one day. Two of my good gossip partners move on in life, leaving me, their third roomie, alone so to say ;)

Jokes apart, life has been pretty happening and pretty boring at the same time in here. A week of illness followed by sis's visits here seems to have rearranged my schedule on a busier note. War room, presentations, live projects, everything is happening so suddenly that at times i feel like being left behind in that schedule of mine. Missing out on some really do-able good marketing competitions makes me feel the most sad.

What else has been happening in my life :)

Well a continuous realization to make a change in my how-to-deal with people strategy is more than evident. So evident that I land up in to trouble on more occasions than one. Being like others and enjoying some moments of light hearted, not so serious bakwas didn't work out , nor did being serious for the other case. What works out the best, I am yet to find out!!!!!

Also, what I need to do now is to prioritize things. My MBA is slowly turning into what engineering was. I do not want these 8L rupees of my dad to go into drain. Time to re strategize, look into what is necessary and what is not and work accordingly. Wasting time now should be the last priority.... Lets see what happens next as life takes turns. Very crucial five months await me, which decide my destiny and where I go next. So looking forward to them and some butterflies in the stomach. So much so that I am not even excited about my upcoming tour plans.

Hope by the next time I write, I am settled in a well-to-do schedule.

Asta La Vista..!

Random Thoughts again

Friendship....some thing which defines half of my life. I was always an amiable person...made friends with ease but there were two kinds of friends. One, the everyone on the street kind of friends and the other were friends in the truest sense of the word. The people for whom I could do anything....listen anything...forgive innumerable times....cry with them...laugh incessantly with them. My friends are my life, they make me the person I am. I generally don't take tension about people or gossips or what someone is saying related to me. The only people who have the capability to hurt me or rather affect me in any way would be my friends.
Once some one falls under the category of friends, he/she has no strings attached relationship with me. This means that he/she will have access to all whats happening in my life and about my past. I don't believe in hiding stuff from my friends.Probably this is the reason that I accept the same from them. There should be a black and a white, no grey areas in that realm of life. If some one is in a good mood u should be in a position to be happy with them and celebrate. If some one is sad, u shud have a reason so that you can make them happy again.
One thing more, if you give a friend an access to your life and have an open relationship with him/her, as in both of you can tell each other about anything and everything in life, then you expect this to be mutual. You don't expect to tell him everything which is known to a select few in life, answer every question they ask you and then when you have queries, you are left outside the talks in pretense of decency.The decency is either there or not there. You can't expect to say the half bit and hide the other half bit.

Somethings in the above are random but still somethings which did come to my mind :)

confusion time....

Its been a pattern for me.....my college life has to be happening one way or the other.Thought this was over in the engg days, but no! I have to get into some controversy or the other every few weeks. This time it makes me think, why on earth when I do what all other normal people do, its always my case which people find exemplary. Why is it that I find my selves in a sea of questions! Why do I have to answer each and every thing I do...why do I have to think twice before even the most normal of decisions. Why are so many eyes on what I do when they have nothing but gossip to feed upon. This has been probably the nth time this is happening and this time I am really pissed off with the happenings. Nothing has been going right any where, personally or professionally.. Probably its high time I introspected and came up with a strong plan. When every time I make myself believe that I would not listen to anyone anywhere and would not react to it, why am I falling weak now. Why am I faltering in my people handling and my relationship maintainability skills. Why do I feel myself running away from every instance which needs taking decision......I really need to test life on skills now before its too late.

Random thoughts...NO WAY..!!!

An MBA was what I wanted to do to actually step up my chances of getting a good fat paycheck or rather putting it in a different perspective; to end up with some glam title as my designation in the organisation or frankly admitting because Tech wasn't where I wanted to end up being...You can have any of these as your reasons.Come on ...now I am not falling to the routine interview answers of I wanted to do an MBA because I wanted to learn the nuisances of business blah blah. NOBODY does an MBA for that.Yeah..u were stuck up without promotions in your previous job can be accepted as a valid reason. (This one added to the list only after realising the plight of the people who crib all the tym in the office )

The one thing that struck me as I was a few months into my MBA was that work ex ppl DO seem to have some edge although I have been denying that in all my interviews/discussions during prep days.So I thought while working with them in projects and assignments and listening to how they sound very valid when putting across their views in a class discussion,I also realized my naivety on professional world during the same course. So what  happened as a result was that I looked forward to my summer internship as a chance to see the WORLD through my own eyes and have the experience of working albeit for a small span of time. I wont deny that I expected to learn a lot in these days while I do realise that its too early to comment that I didn't. :)

Cutting a long story short, I came to this highly reputed company and learn quite a lot. Some of the noteworthy things that I learnt:

1. Well this one deserves a first place coz my guide said " Corporate Life Lesson 1: Those who have no work at all in the office attend meetings to look busy."
2. Office gossip and planning the next months party/annual outbound trip is the most important thing to do in an office even if you are running super late on your schedule for your targets to be achieved.
3. Your motto to come to the office might be to start with a coffee, then start shouting for lunch after that, having the post lunch coffee and then looking at the watch to rush back home as soon as it hits 5.
4. FB is the survival strategy for all those who hate their work at the office.
5. Interns are guinea pigs on which you can try any damn thought of yours.
6. The best way to shoo away any over enthusiast internee is to send them on a market visit. Worse than that, give them a stupid excel sheet to make.
7. Even if the guide spares out some time for their protege , it is to discuss how great learning experience their own summers was.
8. Talking to a lot of experienced people made me realise that its only how effectively you can show that you are busy that matters rather than what you actually work.
9. Summers are nothing but disguised holidays or sponsored travels and tours for most of the tortured souls in an MBA college
10. Most of the people cribbing about their interns have to be freshers coz the work ex people already knew what was coming their way and saying in their hearts," Now you know why we left our fat paying checks to resume college life and slog in those mostly boring classes....  :D "

PS- I guess it all depends on perspective on which you took ur MBA, so the views can definitely differ from one individual to another. :)

Me...me...me again...!!! ;)

Dont know what to write here today...a lot going on in the mind...the new city...the new work experience...the awesome journey....naxalism....and the unwanted thread that connects it so closely to my life...!!!

But wat instigated me to write here was something entirely different than the above and quite in line with the past posts that's me.....  :)

I always harped on my interpersonal skills and how I could manage in any settings.Well, as far as I am considered I still believe the same. But what surprises me is the comment I gt today from one of the well wishers which said that I was quite a non mingler.!!!! 

Now all those who knw me from Lko will be surprised with this fact....or will they be not. Why for the sake for being the networked person should I go on making or atleast claiming to be a friend of most of the crowd when my personality doesnt even remotely gels with them. Is it for the sake of being well connected and gaining the tag of being friendly, I should go on with the mask of the person I am not !! I am what I am...and I know how to be friends with the people who I consider my friend,so why should I not do that and preserve and make stronger the relations which actually mean something to me.

In fact I actually despise the good-on-your-face people which do nothing but fool the people around them into them being Miss or Mr. Goody 2 shoes. What difference does it make to be nice when people already know what you really are.People say something on your face and something else behind your back,and then you say that you are well connected. Its gud to make relations which last some time rather than being "raat gayi baat gayi"

Don't know whether I am politically correct or not but then this is what has been doing good for me ab tak....so lets hope it continues in the future as well. :)

Reporting Live...!!

Well well well....one mail CAN create a storm !

Even Dr.Nag wouldn't know how his mail that spoke about a certain mechanism of hostel settings next year can deviate people who were neck deep under the burden of projects to leave everything and speak their mind out. It must be about 3 when the above mentioned mail arrived and voila! one must have seen the stir it created.One could actually see the mahila mukti morchas being formed, the future operations manager finding out the ways of optimum allocation of resources and then giving up,the resentment in the behenlogs about the unfair setting, the yet not so visible unity in the ladies of 2009-11 batch being so prominent all of a sudden.What happened next was that the IMF-the official student body sprung into immediately into action with El Presidente assuring the girls of fair representation and that their voices would not remain unheard and that he will personally look into the matter.

Meanwhile the girls gathered around certain common rooms to discuss how unfair it has been that on a woman's day they have to face such discrimination. ( Suddenly everyone lost track of the 5 O'clock deadline for certain projects ;) ) Well after a long and well discussed meeting within themselves and then later with the warden IMF president rested his confidence in the ladies that the ladies are capable enough to handle it without the IMF's intervention.Well the next few minutes saw the formation of a group of representatives being formed jo ki jaake naag ke gale me ghanti baandhe. In short who goes and submits the petition to Dr.Naag. 

What happened later was the usual sarkari reassurance hymn being sung by the warden that he would be putting forward the signed application with the higher authority and although he empathizes with us he cant find a better solution to this problem.He himself wants the best for the female students but then he couldn't assure them of anything.

Meanwhile the batch also saw the use of Google tools for the peaceful show of resentment. The general emotion between the public is mixed. While the girls were seen generally expressing their anger in groups the guys came up with mixed emotions. Despite the contrary belief the majority of guys were seen to be liking the fact as now they can have their own ways once in the all-boys hostel.The important thing to note will be however that how the things take turn in the upcoming days. Will the administration give in to the demands by the gals or will the gals be sharing  their next or rather the last year of their MBA with the junior batch or their own batchmates !!!!

PS- Yours truly was very much a part of the action mentioned above.It was only later that she found uncanny similarities between the situation here and that in political halls of India when the report was written.

There are some days which should pass too soon..!

There are some times when things are going tremendously wrong. You see no silver lining and the dense clouds of gloominess shroud over the seemingly distant happiness.This is the time when you try to blame everything and everyone around you. Every small pinch affects you like a dagger.Every friendly nok-jhok seems like the biggest fight you have had ever.You promise yourselves not to be fooled by the world anymore but then you end up in the same situation again and again.But there are the post-facto analysis when you sit back and imagine and re-visit those days only to realise that you ignorantly did some really stupid stuff which is not reversible anymore.

And there evolves another guilt which is even worse than the preface.

But were the relationships so fragile that they would suffer such an impact of the notional bad moods.Were the happy days so limited in number that they were finished even before we could actually capitalize on them.Are we so un sensitized by the issues that we would rather finish with the fight rather than sorting it out.Hope the prayers are answered and the days which are gloomy pass too soon.The Time probably is the only healer in absence of initiation.

MBA....!!!

This comes up as being the veterans of the MBA marathon of written and GD/PI, the consultation phase was in swing of late.One of my juniors was recently discussing the answers to the perennial question " Why do you want to do MBA? " and I was taken back to the time when I planned to go through these gruelling sessions of GD/PI preps and the other written tests and mocks, of missing my engineering classes and sitting overnight reading stuff about the recent happenings in the world.The sole objective of going through these tortures ;) was to get out of the technical domain which didn't get me that excited.Also another reason for the MBA being my destination was the belief that this will add knowledge to my kitty and probably make me more suitable for starting my job in one of those dream companies where I would be valued... ;) :D

Now as it has almost been an year when I went through all these phases and got through one of the good colleges in the country.It was a happening start and even more happening phase after that...with some highs and a few lows. Met some of the very nice people I had ever met. Learnt a lot from the peers and others around.But as I sit back and realize how much did I learn and add value to myself in the last 8 months.Academically and otherwise.Did I actually gain sthing or just it was an extended college life with all the fun reloaded even more. What was the aim when I entered...how much have I transformed...have I made use of all my potential....what leaves me so laid back here....what makes me so not enthusiastic about the events around here....a lot needs to be answered....will I get the answers..???

The guide to my introspection mood..!

It has been my favorite activity for the last many years to sit back every fortnight or so and look back at the time...to contemplate over what went right or what went wrong; what was the high point and how could i get over my blues. Sometimes my blues would also coax me into the aforementioned stage. But one thing I realized recently more often than not I end up thinking about trivial things the whole night.The thing that might be a trifle for someone else or which might not even make an appearance in the consideration set of most of the normal homo sapiens would make me go haywire for hours and hours together.

Symptoms:a glum face with a lost look, a general hmm or ok on the chat for anything and everything, an annoyance for every thing big or small or even worse indifference towards such things.

Duration: can be anything, from 1 hour to days at a stretch it depends on the severity of the results and the   environment around.

Catalyst: Guilt is the most effective catalyst taking the reaction rate manifolds.

Prescription: Let me be alone....dont bother me with the intermittent "kya hua". I know you care for me, but I assure you I would get better soon widout being bugged. If you must just make sure that you do nothing to add to my anguish.

Post Introspection Phase: Generally this kind of phase leads me to a few days of sincerity and implementations of  the key learning, and zillion self promises regarding the future plan of action, 

BUT then as all MBA's will agree the learnings are the first thing we forget and get back to the normal phase waiting for another set of introspection days.

Possessiveness....Am I entitled...??

This comes out of nowhere and out of everywhere.Happens with me a lot and then I console myself with "It happens with everyone damn it... !!" But then why does it disturb my thought process and spoils a near perfect day.Lets begin with my perception of what is friendship....I believe it is the perfect when u can understand each other without saying a word.It is doing everything possible within your capabilities to make the other happy and the right to scold the other to make things good for him.But probably what I tend to forget is that being happy always doesn't mean being together at all times.Friendship to last long really long needs some breathing space.

This is actually a time when I am actually stuck in a paradox.At one stage the obsession is driving me crazy (....and this is crazy as it should be rather than the meaning generally taken).On the other hand I am actually not in the best of my moods because of similar obsession.Shouldn't have two standards for the same thing.Maybe my perception on the friendship and the depth differs in the two cases.Maybe I justify myself with this excuse..God Knows what exactly is happening and then I wish I cud get some answers....or if not answers then solution to my dilemma... :| :(

Weird Times...... :S

There are times when you look back and remember that you haven't been thankful to the world at large for a lot many things.There are times when u realize that u have been looking at things from the peripheral views and just been taking them for granted.There are times when u misjudge someone's value...this some one might be your own self also.There are times when you realize that you have been cribbing too much of late on very trivial issues.There are occasions when u turn around and look back only to realize that life does keep moving on as they say.And that is the moment of truth; the one and only time when rationale follows, when mind is actually able to comprehend the cause of some effect. You might realize that you are right or you are wrong but regardless of that you tend to stick to the very thought process you have been following. Probably this is what they call the resistance to change.But then, in this resistance we become blind not only to the alternatives but also to the other things which life offers us.
Sometimes you are so much in flow of life that you fail to notice small small things which when realized ; make you wonder how could you miss this..!! A weird feeling it is....believe me on that. You keep speeding your mind in reverse gear and then you start relating things and joining the dots. All the events which had been hazy now are crystal clear.
There are other times when some thought strikes you hard...so hard that you tend to come to a certain conclusion or decision which you maintain to the extent possible.These thoughts or an advice maybe poles apart from your own thought process or belief system but still you tend to digress from your view and try to
experiment with the new one. Your faith on your rock solid believes is shook and then you try experimenting with the new one much to your own chagrin. In the end you come back to your own comfortable space and your own way of doing things but loose your own mental piece in the way.
The only solution to most of the above that I find is to find happiness in little things of life, being thankful to the gift of abundance and being flexible in the thoughts at the same time not highly malleable.Probably it might work for others as well.

the three idiots hangover

There are times when a certain line from a song, a certain book or a certain movie, or even something which a kith said leaves a deep mark deep there within...! You don't pay heed to that at first but then in that last 5-10 mins when u lie down in solitude before sleeping, you realize what a revelation it was, something u always knew and still never thought about it in this detail and then you come to realize that how much this issue, this thought, this topic related to your own life and how you have been just playing blind to it forever.
It happened with me when I saw 3 idiots...the brilliant screenplay and dialogues left me laughing intermittently throughout the movie and I came out promising myself to watch this movie again. Later that night when I was in my bed it struck me...this had been soooo all around us.Hell..!
The Joy Lobo scene; when being disappointed with the discouragement by the faculty and the fear to disappoint his hardworking dad, set to be the first engineer in the village, the poor guy hung himself with the writing on the wall being I QUIT...I revisited the suicide rate our engineering college was sadly infamous for. Though the media loved to throw the mud in the name of ragging, a lot of suicides were the result of failure to stand up to the expectations, towering pillars of expectations of your family, relatives, the society, some girl you loved, your own-self! The carrier of the expectation may be different in each case but was unfailingly always there.
Once you are in the engineering college all the outside stakeholders look for is the day when you find that big fat paycheck giving company that picks you up and gives you all the amenities and post u in phoren and you make them proud.What transpires in the process is a different story altogether. And probably what parents dont realise is that the big fat paycheck is not growing on trees and is only the privilege of a lucky few.The placement scenes with the pressure built around reminded me of belonging to the engineering batch that suffered the recession plight.
Another thing that stuck chords with me was the amazing song before the sequence called " Give me some sunshine". Simple nice lyrics and again well meant.

Kandhon ko kitabon
Ke bojh ne jhukaya
Rishvat dena to khud
Papa ne sikhya
99% marks laaoge to
ghadi varna chadi

99 is the new 90.When I took my class 12th, my humble 83 was a decent. Not as if it was the 17th century. Now last year my cousin scored a 97.8 and was still cribbing over the maths sum she spoiled.I mean if i ever get scores like that I would like never ever complain on anything. And its not just her, the two professors she has as parents were also in the same state. Parents cribbing about the kid's marks is not an unheard of story anyways. But the bar is rising and rising too high.Probably they will have to make space for a more than perfect score. But does that not rob us of a lot ? Personally speaking I miss all the family get together/weddings/trips/fun family moments ever since I have been living in the hostel. Not only that, I have seen my little cousins being literally dragged into studying when all they wanted was to join their peers in the games in the park. One of my cousin at the age of 10 learns guitar, plays soccer for his school team, was learning tennis, swimming,and God only knows what else and I remember all I did at that age was to roam around the house in the summers and maybe read a story book or enjoy junglebook and aladin.
Changing Times and what else..!