Stop Thinking...

Well, a LONG LONG time after my last posts, most of which were written in a few days of un necessary frustration...now, as I look back I was being immature. But then, those were thoughts I had that time.
Today why I returned to blogging is because of my most perennial question, have I been too seedha in life to not enjoy certain things as I should have. Never was I short of any attention at any place. I know I come from a small city and doing that has made me grow up in a certain way. There are things which are not the best to my liking and it takes time for me to digest those certain things. It was in IET, IIFT or now in job life, these things still are weird for me.
Today I read some one Else's diary, something which I created a lot of fuss about around 10 years back ! But well, I did that and found out stuff that shouldn't have surprised me but yet I went into that thinking that I should have also enjoyed my life when there was time. Seems like the age of 24 has made me feel more aged than I am. I don't know if I will ever get chances like I could have had, but yeah, now I think everything should be given a chance. Who cares how you behave, and for what is the pretense necessary. Kind of  people who have done everything also sound as ominous as I do. So why not do and be innocent, than not doing and being innocent. !!! Food for thought.........

Move on....

As usual some thoughts get no words.....just between u and me...and one of those thoughts find a mention..

What do you do when some one you once held dear wants to break free, pretends to be there but in their heart of hearts they want to run away, break free, and the only thing which stops them is well....ummm....the stickiness. (hell yeah, i studied marketing a lot today).

There are relationships and there are friendships and there are buddyships....and once or more than that we do grow over some. What we found was so dear, now becomes a liability, a process that should happen just because it always used to happen....This is probably when one needs to take a conscious call, whether to continue the pretence or let the things R.I.P.

Is it not better to be over things in the most civilized of manners and then be on good terms than to crib about it every now and then. Every one moves on in life, no one is ever stranded alone but then when you move on what do you do of those who you leave behind...

Just what I expect is be clear and be vocal, I can take that any day. What bugs me the most is the pretence, the 'saccharine sweetness' and the lies...also the bitching ofc !!

For all those who ever move on, please ensure that you have disposed of your past with grace, have the courage of accepting your walk, have the courage to admit it that you no longer are what you used to be...

Wants a time turner to herselves....

Well, as always I turn to writing or rather typing my thoughts down when I am the most confused in my life. Confused I am, but to some extent I think that I am taking the situation to be at a bigger level than it actually is. Probably I am making excuses not to study and I also realize that this wasting time is not gonna help me in any ways. More so, if anything it will harm me and make me rue about it later, but then its probably okay to sort out things when its still time.

So to the two most aspects of my life, professional and personal.

On the professional front, the two long years of MBA have almost come to the second last station, where the last academic exams are just around the corner and  even bigger hurdle that is the placements are yet even closer. For exams it is probably okay as they have been there for almost last 20 years of my life but then these placements, they are supposed to be the catapult I have spent 8 Lakhs of my Dad's hard earned money for. These placements, I wouldn't say I am expecting the best profile on campus but then again, I am hoping for one of the good ones. As some one once rightly said, u do just the needful, to excel u need to take that extra measure to be more than good.Lets hope that the next one month sees me in better light, I make full utilisation of my time and make the best preparation for for the placements and eventually make my parents and grand parents proud.

On personal front this year has been the worst in my life. Just lost someone who was my undying support in life, more about it later though. Friends in IIFT haven't been good either. Had the most number of fights with them. Disagreed on most parts and felt bad on a lot of them. Seems like the ending curse remains here also. Where in IET the last few days we spent being angry at each other and cudn't enjoy like we should have done, it looks like this is going to be the case in IIFT too. Already Family members have their allegiance divided on to other certain groups or clubs...sometimes it feels like we are together just for the sake of it . We don't hang out together. We don't spend time yapping with each other. We don't even have our regular dinner or lunches together. AND the biggest of all we disagree on most things. Someone would say that friends agree to disagree, but the things take an ugly turn sometimes, which is not so nice. On the room front again, things get weirder where despite everything, u feel like living with urselves every day. Somehow, that comfort of sharing things, laughing at them has gone away. Probably so many changes have taken place. Or as someone told me a few weeks ago, that I have changed for no good. I have lost my sympathetic humane side and probably gearing myselves for a more professional and ruthless life. God knows whats the case but then I am not liking it .

Hence I want the time turner to myselves and want to change a few ways in which life has changed.

Long time...no write..!!

This one was long due...cudnt materialize due to the server issues in IIFT. Well, Life does move on a bit, a lot happening here and now. Today seems to be a good day, getting two good news in one day. Two of my good gossip partners move on in life, leaving me, their third roomie, alone so to say ;)

Jokes apart, life has been pretty happening and pretty boring at the same time in here. A week of illness followed by sis's visits here seems to have rearranged my schedule on a busier note. War room, presentations, live projects, everything is happening so suddenly that at times i feel like being left behind in that schedule of mine. Missing out on some really do-able good marketing competitions makes me feel the most sad.

What else has been happening in my life :)

Well a continuous realization to make a change in my how-to-deal with people strategy is more than evident. So evident that I land up in to trouble on more occasions than one. Being like others and enjoying some moments of light hearted, not so serious bakwas didn't work out , nor did being serious for the other case. What works out the best, I am yet to find out!!!!!

Also, what I need to do now is to prioritize things. My MBA is slowly turning into what engineering was. I do not want these 8L rupees of my dad to go into drain. Time to re strategize, look into what is necessary and what is not and work accordingly. Wasting time now should be the last priority.... Lets see what happens next as life takes turns. Very crucial five months await me, which decide my destiny and where I go next. So looking forward to them and some butterflies in the stomach. So much so that I am not even excited about my upcoming tour plans.

Hope by the next time I write, I am settled in a well-to-do schedule.

Asta La Vista..!

Random Thoughts again

Friendship....some thing which defines half of my life. I was always an amiable person...made friends with ease but there were two kinds of friends. One, the everyone on the street kind of friends and the other were friends in the truest sense of the word. The people for whom I could do anything....listen anything...forgive innumerable times....cry with them...laugh incessantly with them. My friends are my life, they make me the person I am. I generally don't take tension about people or gossips or what someone is saying related to me. The only people who have the capability to hurt me or rather affect me in any way would be my friends.
Once some one falls under the category of friends, he/she has no strings attached relationship with me. This means that he/she will have access to all whats happening in my life and about my past. I don't believe in hiding stuff from my friends.Probably this is the reason that I accept the same from them. There should be a black and a white, no grey areas in that realm of life. If some one is in a good mood u should be in a position to be happy with them and celebrate. If some one is sad, u shud have a reason so that you can make them happy again.
One thing more, if you give a friend an access to your life and have an open relationship with him/her, as in both of you can tell each other about anything and everything in life, then you expect this to be mutual. You don't expect to tell him everything which is known to a select few in life, answer every question they ask you and then when you have queries, you are left outside the talks in pretense of decency.The decency is either there or not there. You can't expect to say the half bit and hide the other half bit.

Somethings in the above are random but still somethings which did come to my mind :)

confusion time....

Its been a pattern for me.....my college life has to be happening one way or the other.Thought this was over in the engg days, but no! I have to get into some controversy or the other every few weeks. This time it makes me think, why on earth when I do what all other normal people do, its always my case which people find exemplary. Why is it that I find my selves in a sea of questions! Why do I have to answer each and every thing I do...why do I have to think twice before even the most normal of decisions. Why are so many eyes on what I do when they have nothing but gossip to feed upon. This has been probably the nth time this is happening and this time I am really pissed off with the happenings. Nothing has been going right any where, personally or professionally.. Probably its high time I introspected and came up with a strong plan. When every time I make myself believe that I would not listen to anyone anywhere and would not react to it, why am I falling weak now. Why am I faltering in my people handling and my relationship maintainability skills. Why do I feel myself running away from every instance which needs taking decision......I really need to test life on skills now before its too late.

Random thoughts...NO WAY..!!!

An MBA was what I wanted to do to actually step up my chances of getting a good fat paycheck or rather putting it in a different perspective; to end up with some glam title as my designation in the organisation or frankly admitting because Tech wasn't where I wanted to end up being...You can have any of these as your reasons.Come on ...now I am not falling to the routine interview answers of I wanted to do an MBA because I wanted to learn the nuisances of business blah blah. NOBODY does an MBA for that.Yeah..u were stuck up without promotions in your previous job can be accepted as a valid reason. (This one added to the list only after realising the plight of the people who crib all the tym in the office )

The one thing that struck me as I was a few months into my MBA was that work ex ppl DO seem to have some edge although I have been denying that in all my interviews/discussions during prep days.So I thought while working with them in projects and assignments and listening to how they sound very valid when putting across their views in a class discussion,I also realized my naivety on professional world during the same course. So what  happened as a result was that I looked forward to my summer internship as a chance to see the WORLD through my own eyes and have the experience of working albeit for a small span of time. I wont deny that I expected to learn a lot in these days while I do realise that its too early to comment that I didn't. :)

Cutting a long story short, I came to this highly reputed company and learn quite a lot. Some of the noteworthy things that I learnt:

1. Well this one deserves a first place coz my guide said " Corporate Life Lesson 1: Those who have no work at all in the office attend meetings to look busy."
2. Office gossip and planning the next months party/annual outbound trip is the most important thing to do in an office even if you are running super late on your schedule for your targets to be achieved.
3. Your motto to come to the office might be to start with a coffee, then start shouting for lunch after that, having the post lunch coffee and then looking at the watch to rush back home as soon as it hits 5.
4. FB is the survival strategy for all those who hate their work at the office.
5. Interns are guinea pigs on which you can try any damn thought of yours.
6. The best way to shoo away any over enthusiast internee is to send them on a market visit. Worse than that, give them a stupid excel sheet to make.
7. Even if the guide spares out some time for their protege , it is to discuss how great learning experience their own summers was.
8. Talking to a lot of experienced people made me realise that its only how effectively you can show that you are busy that matters rather than what you actually work.
9. Summers are nothing but disguised holidays or sponsored travels and tours for most of the tortured souls in an MBA college
10. Most of the people cribbing about their interns have to be freshers coz the work ex people already knew what was coming their way and saying in their hearts," Now you know why we left our fat paying checks to resume college life and slog in those mostly boring classes....  :D "

PS- I guess it all depends on perspective on which you took ur MBA, so the views can definitely differ from one individual to another. :)